From Scared to Sacred: The Messy Art of Stepping Out of Our Comfort Zone

If there’s something I’ve learned during my twenties an now early thirties, is how to meet myself beyond my perceived comfort zone. I’ve leapt and soared and fallen, all because I have been meeting myself in the unknown and choosing to stay curious and say yes more often than saying no. This blog isn’t to over-romanticise this process, or to give you a step-by-step plan on how to live your wildest dreams. Rather, explore this as a love letter to falling down and getting back up, and staying devoted to the path of growth - especially when it gets really hard.

Personally, I think the term ‘comfort zone’ needs a good little rebrand because if there is something that is incredibly uncomfortable, it’s the undercurrent niggling feeling that you’re outgrowing something, that you’re meant for something new or bigger or different, but that you’re stuck in your old ways of doing things. Sure, stepping into that unknown might feel even more excruciatingly hard, but is it? What feels more misaligned there? Staying with the discomfort within what you’ve always known or stepping out with fear?

And that is exactly what I’ve been exploring these past years: perhaps there is no such thing as a comfort zone. Because as soon as you become aware of its edges, it no longer feels fully comfortable to stay contained within it. At that point, it sometimes becomes a battle of what feels more challenging: going beyond those raw edges or staying with what you’ve known to be true thus far. The bad news? It will be uncomfortable either way. The great news? It will be uncomfortable either way! There’s a choice offered to you here: will you tuck your discomfort close and stay rooted to the spot, or will you set it free alongside yourself and explore where it might take you beyond your edges?

I think that a common misconception about self development and spiritual growth is that when you choose the intuitive path, *life will flow gently and smoothly for you*. But here’s the thing: **alignment doesn’t mean comfort.** Cosmic downloads will hardly ever give you peace from the get-go. In fact, I believe the Universe (or God, or Spirit, or however you choose to define this sense of ‘there’s more out there’ for yourself) is here to show you the *true* path, not the comfortable one. This path will steer you away from the norm, from conformity, from external (and internal) expectations, from what you’ve known thus far. It will stretch you, and trigger you. And, equally, the Universe shows you this path and says, *‘my love, here is what is truly meant for you. This is what you’re truly worth. Now go and exercise that bravery muscle I gave you, and run free’.*

We are always held in love - I truly believe this. The intuitive path isn’t the comfortable one, but it is the most loving one for ourselves, our direction in life, and our growth. Even when it is painful. Or scary. It is a short distance from scared to sacred, right? Just because you feel scared to take a step into unknown territory, doesn’t mean it’s the wrong one. Just because you may feel deep self doubt or an overwhelming sense of ‘not-knowing’, doesn’t mean that your intuition is steering you back into familiar territory. This is the path of self discovery, where along the way you’ll learn to be patient with yourself, kind to yourself and invite heaps and heaps of grace and wonder alongside the anxiety and nerves that will travel with you too. This is the messy middle. What do you need to meet yourself there?

These past couple of years, I’ve taken more leaps of faith than I can count on one hand. This isn’t some heroine story: some of these major dives into the unknown actually ended up not being the right path for me at all. I’ve had to backtrack and nourish myself within my comfort zone, before I was ready to leap yet again. I’ve terminated the lease on multiple flats only years apart, sold my house afterwards too, travelled in and even moved to different countries with the full intention of settling there - and regretted some of it massively. Each leap was different, and felt more comfortable as I grew more familiar with my edges. But, equally, each leap scared me in new and unexpected ways, too. No matter how small (or big) the new step was, it always required a deep breath, and a heart-to-mind conversation about why the hell we were doing this again.

Something that always rings true for me in those moments is that fear is excitement without the breath. They are - more often than not - two sides of the same coin. We may feel activated when we move beyond our edges and as if we’re losing control. But isn’t it also absolutely exhilarating to not know? Don’t we feel most alive when we’re meeting ourselves in completely new circumstances? Doesn’t most of life happen in the free fall, and the stories we get to tell afterwards?

**It can still be an intuitive choice, even when you’re scared** (in fact, this is often part of the same deal). It can still be the right step, even when you’re feeling triggered. I’ve personally experienced how going beyond my comfort zone doesn’t always go ‘well’, or as expected, or is the most wonderful time of my life. But we get to redefine this too. I’ve moved to different countries multiple times, and so far I’ve always returned to familiar grounds - unexpectedly. But: always with a lesson learned, always with a sense of growth, and always with *a deep gratitude* of the life lived during this experience.

And isn’t that what life is about? Not about the most perfect line-up, or to feel good all the time, but to feel the widest spectrum of emotions and experience all of life, to offer yourself opportunities to grow and evolve and to feel what it’s like to be human for a while. That inherently is imperfect. When we try and lose a sense of that ‘perfectionism’, we can also release a sense of ‘having to have it all figured out’ and step into the darkness of the wide unknown a little more bravely, a little more ‘easily’ so to say, because we grant ourselves permission to fuck it up.

One thing that has really helped me in the process of living life outside of the comfort zone, is allowing all emotions, sensations and thoughts to travel right alongside with me. It’s okay to doubt it all, and still go ahead. It’s okay to have a full-body reaction, and still do it. It’s also okay to take a little pause - you’re not backtracking, or self-sabotaging: you’re regulating. One of the most unhelpful things someone has said to me one time - when I was doubting EVERYTHING in my life because I was stepping into something new - was, ‘but I thought you wanted this? You chose this, so you can’t doubt it now’. Of course I can. Of course my nervous system is going to tug me right back into what feels familar. Of course I’m going to have an existential crisis at the airport, or before I head into a meeting with someone new, or wherever and whenever my system seems to see fit for a crisis of that nature. It’s both-and. I can step outside my comfort zone and feel really triggered to do so. I can do it with doubt. With fear. With uncertainty. I can fuck it up, and learn along the way, and get really good at leaping, and soaring, and falling. And leaping again.

In fact, in most cases that’s the only way to do new things, ever. Messily. Uncertain. In all of our humanness. And with a true devotion to live life to its fullest.

You don’t need to take big leaps to move beyond the edges of your comfort zone. In fact, aim for the small wins. Familiarise yourself with stretching beyond what you know - in bite-sized pieces. Ritualise how you move through change. Walk the path from scared to sacred. Honour the emotions and physical sensations that you experience in the process. Meeting yourself in new situations, choosing something different for yourself, and shining a new light on who you are and where you’re going: that’s a truly sacred, love-filled process. It’s not going to be linear, or perfect, or even very fun at all times. But what if it’s going to be so much better than the version of you that’s currently within the edges of so-called comfort could ever imagine? Do it messily. Do it scared. That’s the sacred gateway to the path beyond your wildest dreams, my love. And you deserve all of what is waiting for you beyond those gates.